Someone Else's Love Story

(Background: this is the result of a writing prompt. Therefore, it is a rough draft and kind of weird. Enjoy. =D)

Falling in love was the first mistake I made.

At the time, it had seemed like a sensible idea. After all, I was fresh out of college and had my whole life in front of me, and my inquisitive relatives always wanted to know who that "special someone" was for me. It didn't take me long to get tired of their constant questioning and speculating as to who that lucky guy would be. So I went out into the world with the intention of finding that guy and giving him some of that well-deserved luck.

I found him, all right - all gorgeous twenty-six years of him. But sometimes I still wonder if I was ever really in love with him. It felt like it, but I was always on such an emotional roller coaster that I never quite knew what I really thought of anything. But he was exactly the type of guy that all my inquisitive relatives had always dreamed about, so I claimed him before any other girl had a chance. I guess I should have brushed up on my cliches first. Maybe I would have remembered that haste makes waste.

Well, here we are, six years later. I'm standing next to the grave of my ex-fiance, barely noticing the drops of rain that run down my face in the absence of the tears I would have shed. The rain is turning the dirt I'm standing on into thick mud, and my shoes are going to be ruined. But I don't care. I inhale slowly and deeply and take a look around the cemetery. Even the trees are dead and lifeless. How did it come to this? Why did I ever believe all of those fairy tale stories about how love was supposed to be? Snow White and Cinderella must have been liars, or idealists, or both. Life never happened that way for me.

My relatives were wrong. My love story cooled down fast and died way before its time. If I've learned anything, it's that life is too short to waste it on trying to live up to anyone else's expectations. Next time I ought to pay more attention to what I want and not try to live out my great-aunt's ideal romance. If I had done that the first time, maybe he and I would never have had that last argument that left us both distraught. Maybe he never would have run that red light if he had been thinking clearly. Maybe he would still be alive and able to make another girl's dream come true. He never fulfilled mine, but I couldn't hate him no matter how hard I had tried. And now it was all over and done with.

Now the tears are coming. I close my eyes to try to shield them, but it doesn't work. They fall anyway, mixing with the raindrops that soak the stone cross at the head of the grave.

Decisions, Decisions

Decisions are a huge part of our lives. Every day, every hour, every few minutes, you make some kind of decision. What should I wear today? Should I go out with this guy? To sleep or not to sleep? Can I afford this? Should I take a walk or eat chocolate instead? Should I really watch this? Do I have time for this? Where should I go to college? Who should I hang out with? What's really important to me?

Obviously, some decisions are more important than others. Decisions are easy for some people and excruciatingly hard for others. Take the following, totally unscientific mini quiz to decide what kind of decision-maker you are:

1. You're standing in Baskin Robbins, gazing down at the 31 flavors of ice cream. What do you do?
A. Immediately pick the first flavor that looks good.
B. Look at all the flavors, eliminate all but two, and pick one of them after 2-3 minutes.
C. Ask the cashier what flavor they would pick and go with their advice.
D. You've been staring at this question for ten minutes and still haven't decided what you would do.

If you chose answer...
A...you are a spontaneous and often impulsive decision-maker.
B...you make decisions fairly quickly, but you think it over before you act.
C...you prefer other people to make decisions for you.
D...you are entirely and hopelessly indecisive. Get help.

Some people sweat the little decisions and others can make major decisions in the blink of an eye. What's the difference between the two types of decision-makers? The latter is too impulsive, and the former isn't impulsive enough. So here are a couple of things that came to mind in regards to decisions.

Be you... Don't make decisions on what to wear, what to eat, how to act around certain people - the small, everyday stuff - based on anyone else's opinion. Don't follow trends - make your own! Can't decide what to wear? Combine a bunch of your stuff (layer shirts, add accessories or fun shoes, wear a skirt over leggings or jeans) to create a totally unique look. You crave ice cream, but everyone else is eating salad? Go for the ice cream. (But be sparing.) All the other peeps in your school/youth group/club/activity are being total jerks? Stand out and be yourself.

...but don't be afraid to ask for advice. Especially on major decisions (college, future spouses, etc.), it's usually a good idea to talk to other people and find out what their opinions are. If you really can't decide what ice cream flavor to pick, it's ok to ask the cashier or your buddy what you should do. Sometime's it's fun to take a risk and sample what other people like (even if the only benefit is that you discover that they're every bit as weird as you thought they were after all!). You might discover a new interest or favorite thing by branching out a bit.

Spontaneity can be fun, but...Some decisions ought not to be thought about too hard. For example, last year when we were in Portugal, we had the opportunity to climb about 40 feet of rock on a windy day. Had I hesitated any longer than I did, I might very well have said no. But that climb (whilst wearing flip flops, no less) was one of the most exhilarating things I have ever experienced, and I am so glad I didn't think about it too hard, or let any annoying distraction such as logic or common sense fill my mind. (Disclaimer: blog author is not responsible for death, injuries, or irritation resulting from mindless or stupid applications of the above reasoning to other situations.) But on the big decisions, spontaneity is usually a bad idea. Harder decisions require more thinking (our favorite thing to do, of course), but making the right choice is worth taking the extra time to think it through.

And definitely pray. There are a lot of tough decisions we all have to make every day, and we'll never have the strength or wisdom to make all the right choices by ourselves. Inevitably, you'll find that your parents' knowledge, your friends' knowledge, and your knowledge aren't adequate to making the hard decisions. There's only One who can see all the possible outcomes from your decisions and help you make the right one. All it requires is asking Him for His guidance and then following through, however uncomfortable the right choice is.

Good luck on making all your decisions, big or small, easy or hard. And in case you were wondering, my answer to the quiz would be B. I'm happy being me right in the middle of the decision-making scale.

Inspiration

"I learned…that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic striving, but it comes into us slowly and quietlyand all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness."- Brenda Ueland

I am one of those people who finds inspiration everywhere. I'm not always inspired to do something; sometimes inspiration just makes me feel everything more acutely. Inspiration is often how I get my best story ideas. I'll never forget one summer night a few years ago when my family was sitting on our back porch. It was a relatively humid night with a slight breeze. Everything was dark except for the candle on the wicker coffee table. Every so often, the flame would flicker violently in the breeze, but it never went out. For some reason, that was one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. It got me thinking how sometimes real life is like that. If you really know what you believe in and why, any opposition you encounter in life is merely an obstacle meant for overcoming. The things that stand in your way might knock you around and get you down, but they can never put your flame out.

Random life lessons and story ideas are just some of the benefits to inspiration, at least in my opinion. And fortunately, I draw inspiration from absolutely everywhere:

• The wind whipping through my hair on walks, especially on cold days.
• Standing in the rain simply for the sake of getting wet.
• The smell in the air before it snows.
• How green everything is right after it rains.
• Gorgeous, heart-wrenching music.
• Sunrises, sunsets, late afternoons, and stormy skies
• Bittersweet stories

• Sweeping landscapes and vistas
• Fearlessness
• Fresh snow
• City streets at night when all the lights are lit
• Crisp, cold autumn days
• Dew on the grass on early spring mornings
• Love stories
• Dancing barefoot (or in Dance Paws)
• Designing practically anything
• Long talks with friends
• Sitting in Starbucks for long periods of time

I could go on and on. Those are just some of the places in which I find inspiration, and I am so glad I do. Life would be so much duller without that feeling I get when I'm really inspired.

A Heartfelt Tribute to My Amazing Sister

My sister is at college. AGAIN. She had the nerve to go off to Erie, PA for the continuance of her education at the beginning of this year, you see. Hey, I was actually getting along much better than I thought I would without her. We're best friends and do pretty much everything together. Now that we're seven hours and 360 miles apart, we still keep in touch almost every day through phones, email, and IM (I love technology).

But I have to admit that there's really no substitute for the real thing.

She left today to go back to Erie after her week-and-a-half-long "spring" break. It was a very fun break and included six or seven inches of snow, ice cream cones from Baskin Robbins, 70-degree weather, a game night (and other celebrations of her birthday), smoothies from Robek's, chick flicks and action movies, donuts from Giant, a speech and debate tournament, late nights and a very early morning (5:30 a.m.), and randomly awesome games. But it was too short. I had forgotten how much I missed having her around just to talk to and do random fun stuff with. No one else is there for me all the time; no one else is just a question away from playing a game or watching a movie. No one else understands me like she does. Yeah, that sounds like a cliche, but it's true. She and I are (to borrow another cliche) like two peas in a pod - almost exactly the same interests and almost exactly the same reactions to various situations.

I thought I was getting along pretty well. Truth be told, I still have not had any kind of emotional breakdown or strong reaction to her being gone, not since August. But today, at the end of her third break so far this year, I felt it the most - and the reason is, quite simply put, that she's my older sister and that we always have an absolutely amazing time together.

What makes my sister so awesome? Here are a few of the ways:

1. She randomly bursts into song, usually without prior warning.
2. She can do killer rabbit and spider impressions.
3. Her hair always smells amazing.
4. You do not want to be on the recieving end of her wrath.
5. People who call her a quiet person are gravely mistaken.
6. She's able to knock some sense into me whenever I need it, and even if I haven't asked for it.
7. She makes me laugh approximately every 15-20 minutes.
8. She thinks I'm weird (and she's right), but she still likes hanging out with me.
9. She still enjoys participating in activities some people would call "childish". Who cares if it's childish?!
10. We used to get into ridiculous fights about Playmobil root beer floats, pitchers full of orange juice, whose turn it was to get the mail, and whether or not I should showcase my cursive handwriting on the front of a thank-you note (she thought not). But we're past that now.
11. She's very encouraging and supportive, especially about my cursive handwriting. *coughs lightly*
12. Her pouty face makes me melt.
13. She can laugh over minor calamities or awkward situations, a quality which a lot of people seem to sadly lack.
14. I can totally be myself with her and never have to worry about what she thinks. It's really ok. She already knows I'm nuts.
15. She has the prettiest hair in the world.
16. And overall, she's pretty darn gorgeous.
17. She's very mature. Most of the time.
18. She has a little more common sense than I do, so we balance each other out pretty efficiently.
19. She's brilliant. Most of the time. ;-)
20. She's the coolest person I know.

Basically, I am so insanely thankful that God chose to put the two of us into the same wacky family. I can guarantee that the two of us are always going to have a peanut butter-and-jelly-type relationship - we'll stick up for each other and stick together, always.

Only four and a half more weeks till Easter weekend. I suppose I can survive.

The Time Has Come, My Little Friends, to Speak of Other Things

1. Truffles

I just discovered a fantastic recipe for homemade truffles, courtesy of Dorie Greenspan, the author of Baking: From My Home to Yours. I made them for my project club on Valentine's Day, and I'm not sure if anyone else was as big a fan as I was, but I really liked them. For others' benefit, I will post the recipe here:

1/3 cup heavy cream
6 oz. semi-sweet or bittersweet dark chocolate, very finely chopped or grated
2 tablespoons butter, very soft
Unsweetened cocoa powder

1. Bring the cream to a boil and pour it over the chocolate. Wait 1 minute, then whisk until the mixture is smooth and shiny. Whisk in the butter completely; cover and refrigerate for 3 hours or until firm.
2. Scoop out teaspoonfuls of chocolate, then squeeze and roll them between your palms to form cherry-sized balls - a messy job, but fun. (If the chocolate is too hard to shape, leave it on the counter for 20 minutes.)
3. Roll the truffles around in a bowl of cocoa, then toss them from hand to hand to shake off the excess. Cover and refrigerate until ready to eat.

This was my first attempt at making truffles and I was rather surprised at how well they turned out. The only thing I need to work on is making them look slightly more rounded and less lumpy, but I suppose practice makes perfect, right?

2. Striped Armwarmers

I have a relatively eccentric fashion sense, and therefore I am in love with a pair of striped armwarmers I recently acquired from Dancewear Solutions (http://www.dancewearsolutions.com/). They're very comfortable and kind of snazzy-looking. I consider them merely as an interesting fashion accessory; however, some of my friends are divided in their opinions over whether the armwarmers make me look like a jailbird or a zebra. I haven't yet decided which I would prefer to look like. (BTW - the P91 logo on the T-shirt in the picture above stands for Psalm 91.)

3. Biceps

I find myself actually somewhat proud of the fact that I have biceps, however insignificant they seem. According to my dad, that puts me in the minority of females. But since the only way I have biceps is from doing full-out push-ups, I suppose I ought to be proud of the results. (Of course, when one compares one's biceps with one's older brother's, one quickly feels very inadequate. Not the best way to build one's self-esteem.)

4. Colorful Socks

I'm a big fan of colorful socks. The only problem with them is that I wear mine so often that they quickly become holey. But I enjoy them while I can. :-) Above are my most recent acquiry, appropriately given to me on Valentine's Day.

These have traction hats on the bottom. Is that cool or what?!

All right. I've exhausted my supply of totally random subjects for the present. I suppose I ought to go and do something worthwhile now.

The Woes of Work (and they are few)

"Good afternoon; Grace Covenant Church; how may I help you?"

I picked up the phone and said those words for the last time today. I can't say I was sorry that it was the last time. Wow, I thought, I no longer need to pretend like I actually know what I'm doing!

I have been employed for the last thirteen months at a local church, where I also attend youth group on Wednesday nights. This is not the church, however, that I attend on Sunday mornings, and therefore I am not hugely familiar with all that goes on there. Therefore, I don't always know exactly what to do for people who call, and occasionally end up sounding kind of stupid: "Um, I'm sorry, sir, but I am really not the person to ask about that...can I take a message for you?" Or, when I do get a message, I sometimes email my direct boss with the information and the apologetic, "I had absolutely no idea who this should go to..." One time a guy came into the church and asked if we had a copier. I replied somewhat proudly, "We do, but we don't have a policy for non-staff members to use it." I thought to myself, Aha - I know something! Turns out the poor guy just wanted to sell us a copier, not use the one we already have. Nice going, genius!

I felt stupid in other ways, too. I was so used to working in the afternoon that when I had to cover for the morning once or twice, I picked up the phone and began with "Good afternoon..."

There were two kinds of calls I absolutely loved. The first one was when I picked up the phone and an automated message warning us about potentially expiring credit cards or exploding bombs had already started playing. Click! Or the ones where I went through my whole authoritative speel of greeting, to be followed by a click on the other end. Hey, if you don't want to talk to me, I ain't complainin'!

But overall, work was great. I got paid to sit at the computer, check my email, do school, and answer the occasional phone call. Oh yeah - sometimes I actually had to work for my money - shredding papers, addressing and stamping postcards, assembling guest gift bags, and other fun stuff. But it wasn't too bad, and I definitely could have had worse jobs. I could earn the exact same salary during the sparse babysitting jobs, so I compared the two. Hmm...would I rather change the diapers of little screaming tots, or would I rather put inserts in CD cases? Well, let me think about this for a little while...

Nevertheless, today was my last day as a receptionist (read: largely unlearned person who sits at the front desk, smiles, and nods). No, I didn't lose my job, but I am transitioning from answering phones to doing all of the extra stuff I previously did - guest gift bags, new believers' toolboxes, assembling CD cases and boxes in which to mail travel mugs to guests, and so on. I keep my four-hours-a-week even if I sit there twiddling my thumbs for half the time. Did I mention that I love working at this church?

So today I bid a not-too-fond farewell to feeling incompetent over the phone. No more fumbling words, making dumb mistakes, or telling someone for the hundredth time, no, no one from this number called you in my [scant] knowledge. Today I move on to bigger and better things.

And now, bring me that horizon...

25 Random Things

Due to recent emails from my Facebook-patronizing sister, recent comments by my Facebook-patronizing employer, and recent posts on blogs I follow, I have decided to post my 25 Random Things. Enjoy! (and please forgive my long silence...)

1. I never salt or pepper my food.
2. I am very partial to kiwis and would probably consider them my favorite fruit.
3. I had no idea that my sister wanted to be a lawyer until I read her 25 Random Things.
4. I have (briefly) considered careers in politics, journalism, and history.
5. My all-time favorite school subject was Algebra 1 and my two all-time least favorite school subjects were physical science and geometry.
7. I am going to name my next two parakeets Mario and Luigi.
8. Speaking of parakeets, mine (aptly named Kiwi) does not prefer me to be within a three foot radius of him.
9. I am very mildly allergic to mold, dust, white oak trees, shrimp, cat dander, and egg whites.
10. My sister is my best friend and her hair always smells amazing.
11. My Bible is hot pink and lime green and it also smells amazing.
12. My top four favorite actors, in no particular order, are Ben Barnes, Gerard Butler, George Clooney, and Ioan Gruffudd.
13. I have the funniest feeling that I already know the person I'm someday going to marry (and this feeling has absolutely no relationship whatsoever to random thing #12).
14. I am an easily inspired, usually cheerful, very unique goal-making multi-tasker who is great at planning, great at procrastinating, and dreadful at following through.
15. I recently made an attempt at color-coding my dreadfully unorganized bookshelf, to some measure of success.
16. I am dreadful at making summaries. When asked to summarize the plot of a book, movie, or ballet, I almost always have to apologize at the end for my abysmal explanation.
17. I have now had my learner's permit for a grand total of 11 days. w00t!
18. If I had enough time, I would gladly pursue almost any field related to the arts and make it a co-career of all the other fields. Needless to say, I am a very artsy person.
19. I believe that physics and geometry are the bane of all teenage existence, particularly because they serve no practical use whatsoever in everyday civilized life. I love the fact that I have completely forgotten everything I ever learned in geometry and that it won't matter at all.
20. I enjoy experimenting with cooking. In the future, I am hoping to invent tomato chicken noodle soup, followed by raspberry crumb pie with a cream cheese drizzle for dessert.
21. I love Gmail, polynomials, knitting, and roller coasters. I am also the only person in my family who actually enjoys Earl Grey tea.
22. I am rather eccentric. I have a four-month-old miniature pumpkin on my bookshelf (never mind that it's February), a dissected and cotton-stuffed banana in my old room, a huge collection of scrap paper in two of my drawers, and three or four boxes full of old letters and mementos that I may never read again.
23. Barnes & Noble is one of my favorite places to spend a few hours.
24. I am in love with almost everything Starbucks.
25. I will eat any dessert you set in front of me. So please, be sparing.